What I Didn't Know Until I Had Kids
- How many seconds it takes to microwave 4 fish sticks perfectly.
- Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.
- How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing
child and all of the above simultaneously.
- Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be
skipped over without a child noticing.
- How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.
- The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes and mitten
- Locations of public restrooms all across town.
- Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve
a lost blankie.
- That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.
- The amazing technicolor variety of infant stool.
- How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats,
a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.
- The fine art of vacuuming a floor without hosing up a Barbie shoe
or a Playmobil cannonball.
- That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate
than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.
- How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.
- Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.
- How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.
- That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.
- Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.
- That reverse psychology really works.
- The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.
- That Duplo and Lego blocks procreate in the night.
- The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.
- Why they call them Happy meals.
- How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.
- That man (or child anyway) really can live on peanut butter alone.
- That gender inequality starts early in clothing: Boy's underpants
have a wide band on top, while the waistband and leg holes on girls
look the same, increasing the odds that she'll pull 'em on tangles
or upside down.
- Sesame Street's air time.
- That the more my kids learn, the less I seem to know.
- The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.
- And the one I wanted to add ... How much you could love one human
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