From the Distaff Point of View
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be....?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- You!.... Off my planet!
- If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
- It ain' t the size, it's... no, it's the size.
- A woman's favorite position is CEO.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- And which dwarf are you?
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- Meandering to a different drummer.
- I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
Return to Humor Table of Contents
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