The Lowly Colon

by David A. Darbro, M.D. Copyright August, 1995

In our arrogance, we humans all too often consider the functioning of those lesser parts of the body as being inferior to the functioning of the more noble members of our anatomy. As an example of what I mean, is it not true that we humans haughtily admire and dote upon intellectual performance and esteem knowledge as being of far greater importance than the contribution of any other aspect of our earthly frame? But the truth is that we err in our ignorance. Consider, if you will, how the loftier parts would function if the hinder parts were not cooperative.

Voila, the colon! Granted, it's not a particularly beautiful or gifted organ -it usually just sits there quietly, draped about the inside of our abdomen. Once in a while it asserts itself by producing an occasional embarrassing gurgle or rumbling. In fact, we hardly even know it's there unless it makes its presence known in the bathroom whore the fruits of its labor may or may not please us. At times we become annoyed with it if gas is inadvertently passed, fearing that others may hear, or (worse yet) notice in other ways. The harsh truth is that we seldom think much about our colons unless they misbehave. It seems that very few of us are into the habit of admiring our personal sewer systems on a regular basis.

This state of affairs must be dealt with on a national basis for it amounts to nothing less than outright inequality. We must stop this rampant bigotry against colons. The truth is colons are important contributing members of our society whether you realize it or not and demand justice. Consider if you will, the chaos that results when the septic system out in the yard gets stopped up and the toilets begin to overflow. Not a very pleasant happening is it? Don't all intellectual musings suddenly come to an abrupt end when this disaster strikes? Aren't all other functions in the household then given secondary priority? Or consider what disruptive damage occurs to the car engine when some kid crams a potato into the exhaust pipe of your car. Try driving away and see what happens then.

The very same principles apply whether we are talking about sewers, exhaust pipes or -the lowly colon. In each of these examples the whole cannot function in an integrated manner without the contribution of its lowliest parts. Designed function can not be altered without there being sever consequences. If the colon parts aren't working right, then colonic cleansing becomes a way to help the body do whar it cannot do well itself. It is akin to using the plumber's coiled snake device to unstop clogged drains, or the mechanic's grasping tool to remove the jammed potato stuck in the car's exhaust pipe.

A clean colon is necessary for the health of the whole human in the same way that a clean drain pipe is necessary for a clean bathroom or a clear exhaust pipe is required for an engine to function well. When our colon is plugged u, the rest of the body, including the noble brain, can not function well. All the exalted Central Nervous System can do it produce fuzzy cloudy thoughts of confusion, depression, or despair when the hinder part of the body is ailing. The truth is that without the humble contributions of the least of our parts, the whole body suffers.

What can we do about this problem? Perhaps the President should declare a national Be-Kind-To-Colon-Week to honor this humble, yet vital part of our anatomy. Something must be done about the pervasiveness of colon prejudice that exists throughout this country. If we would but recognize our colons and give them a little praise and attention now and then we would feel much better about ourselves as humans. TLC is never without its reward. When we do our part to contribute to the growing grassroots movement to bring about colon edification throughout the land we will find we can bring about the state of blissful contentment through colon happiness. A little bit of gratitude will go a long way to help these organs begin to feel good about themselves. We should have parades of marchers on Thanksgiving Day or New Years Day at the Rose Bowl Parade carrying banners proclaiming that Colon's Are Beautiful. Perhaps in this way we can right the suffering these lesser parts have endured over all these years. Colon's have rights too and deserve to be treated with equality. A colonic tuning by means of a good cleansing could be just the very thing you need to bring about the harmony and optimized functioning you have been missing out on all these years. Don't be a colophobe!

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